I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
