I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
