i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
