1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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