i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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