i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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