We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
