I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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