at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
