I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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