I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
