Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
