Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
