it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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