Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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