have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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