the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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