did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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