i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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