I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
