I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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