Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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