feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
