hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
