you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
