I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
