if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize