Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
