Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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