it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
