She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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