it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
