was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
