The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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