You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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