Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
