Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
