she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
