Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
