So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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