I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
