He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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