I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the raccoons are back...
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