just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
