i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
