Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
