Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
