Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
