I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
