Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
