I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
